Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
