Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize