My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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