I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I could fuck to npr.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
