How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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