I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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