They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
