lets start a swedish sibling band together
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
