Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
