but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
