there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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