Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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