Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
