fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he thought i was a dude.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
