I faked an abortion last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You need Xanax blowdarts
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
