when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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