member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
