I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize