I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
