I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
