I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
