Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
