And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
