She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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