I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
