I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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