the condom got lost in my hair
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
