I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
