just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
