she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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