Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
