If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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