Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
