I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
