i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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