Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
