i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
did you just send me my own nude
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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