My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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