OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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