hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
