It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
