he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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