Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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