i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize