he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
