Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
