I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
