Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
