if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
