I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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