i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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