we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
