Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
