it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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