I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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