But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
