I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
