Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
