I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
