I hate your face
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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