In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do vagina's smell?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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