omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
