i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That accounts for only three of the penises
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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