I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
