Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
