Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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