I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
