If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
