is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
