It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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