I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
