I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How's work?
Spinning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
