You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
