Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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