Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
