that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
