He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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