next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
