Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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