I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
