at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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