So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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