After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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