did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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