I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
