My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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