I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
