come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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