I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
