life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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