I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
