he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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