$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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