I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize