You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
