Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
